MOTIVATION N'AT

Episode 45 — Kristy Joy Weidner

Transcript

 

[0:00] Natalie Bulger:

Healing isn't linear. It isn't one therapist, one yoga class, one breakthrough moment. It's messy and it's layered, and it's absolutely not meant to be done alone. So today we're talking with Kristy Joy Weidner, a social worker, trauma specialist, and mindfulness teacher about finding your people, building your village, and why healing together is the hardest, yet most beautiful work we can do.

 

Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of Motivation N'at. I'm Natalie, your host, and this is where we take hot mess to high potential. And I have the pleasure of bringing Kristy Joy onto the pod today as my guest. And I have to tell everyone just a little bit about Kristy and how we just happened to meet in the wonderful network that is social workers and healing and community here in Pittsburgh. And we are gonna talk about community, therapy and community, healing and community, different wellness processes and things to take advantage of. And I think it's just gonna be a really fruitful conversation for folks because of the wonderful insights, Kristy, that you have. But let me tell listeners just a tiny little bit about you. Kristy and I met at a 10-year anniversary for Steel Smiling, which if folks have listened to the Julius Boatwright episode, he is the brains that was behind that organization still involved, but at 10 years, we sat in this room at the August Wilson Center eating delicious food and Kristy happened upon the table that I was at and we got to chatting and it was just one of those moments where you're like, yeah, fate really intervened for a second and put the right people together and had a chance to follow up afterwards. I've been to a sound bath that we'll talk about a little bit later and the benefits of that, but Kristy is a licensed clinical social worker. She's certified in trauma profession, certified trauma professional. Let me say that right. Mindfulness teacher, specializes in anxiety, grief, life transitions, offers individual couple therapy rooted in compassion and connection. You have breath work certifications. You are a sound bath doer person. Just amazing coordination to do all of that. And just I think this week, right, a social worker appreciation of greatness awardee in 2026. Local Pittsburgh effort and in that was some just amazing folks as well. So Kristy, thank you for coming on the pod, bringing all this knowledge, all of this experience to the moment here today. Tell us a little bit about you, why you got into this profession, why this is so important for you to be a part of.

 

[2:47] Kristy Joy Weidner:

Thank you, Natalie, quite the introduction. And I'm so excited to be here. And as I'm listening to you, I can't help but think, wow, I get to do this job. Like this isn't really a job. I feel like there are moments, yes, of course, but there's just like a passion behind social work. You brought up the social worker appreciation and being in a room of social workers, just knowing Julius as well. There's something special about that breed and you know, none of us are in it for the money. We're really just here to serve and to show up. And so I feel like as you're describing all of this stuff, I'm like, how in the heck did all that happen? I'm not that old. I can't have done that. Just really being in tune with, and I'm sure we'll get to this at some point today, being in tune with what matters to us and showing up in a way that is authentic and genuine. I feel like we just land in the right spaces with the right people and then we acquire the skills that hopefully help us heal in order to pass those along. So I don't know if that completely answers your question, but I was an educator first. I was a teacher for deaf students and I always knew that I had a part for therapy and I didn't know what that looked like. And I'm really lucky that I had a mentor at the time who said, well, you have counseling and you have social work. You should probably go into social work because you can take more insurances and work more places. And I thought, okay, well, I know I want to do therapy. And then after starting to take the coursework that is involved with social work and social justice. And when you take things from the macro to the micro level and then you look at a lens in the micro level and the therapy office and how society and our families and all those macro pieces fall into place. I think that it was just a natural fit and that just like our meeting the universe knew. So here we are.

 

[4:47] Natalie Bulger:

And you have mentioned so many things we'll hit on. For those that are listening that may not know, I have a bachelor's in social work, but I didn't pursue it further. I went the healthcare route administration side, but got a taste of what those kind of intervention classes were and that community justice piece and getting involved, knowing the history of where communities come from, because it really is a nature, nurture combo that makes us who we are. And you can't ignore the environment in which you're raised in. But when I tell people I did an internship at a political office. They're always like, what? What was a social worker doing interning in a congressman's office? And I was like, well, that's where we handled visas. That's where we went out with the different constituents. Having someone there that could put those pieces together, they actually found really beneficial. And that being that more macro piece. So social work is so broad and there's so many things that fall within it. So I love that you mentioned it's not just therapy. It's not just that licensed counselor piece, but all of these other pieces. So, Kristy, one of the...

 

[5:50] Kristy Joy Weidner:

And before I interrupt you, I was just reflecting as you said that in that room of people and there are just so many facets of social work. There were people who are involved in grant writing, in community interventions, in schools, in hospitals, in political fields. Just anywhere you go now, we could use social workers, believe me, because we help connect with resources. And that can be a frustrating part of social work as well. Just seeing a need and hearing a need from people, having the resources and trying to blend those two together is probably one of the toughest parts of social work. So when I'm engaging with other social workers about how exactly do we do that, it's things like this and being able to pass along the message. So thank you, Natalie. Thanks for all you do because this is an awesome, awesome way to share information.

 

[6:44] Natalie Bulger:

Yes, and if people listening know a social worker in your life, give them a hug. They probably need it right now. And their skills are used everywhere. They really are, because we know how to talk to people, and you know how to interact, and you also know when to step back and to kind of let things kind of play out a little bit. Let's kind of bridge in because one of the first things I wanted to pick your brain on was how you define what a community is. Because when we say community, we all have something that comes to mind. Generally, it's a geographical neighborhood potentially, but there are so many other communities that are tangible and not tangible. And all of those play into treating a person, but also then learning. What does that community in and of itself potentially need? So what are some of the communities that you've found in Pittsburgh or nationally that kind of stand out or resonate with your experiences?

 

[7:41] Kristy Joy Weidner:

I think community can be anything from something that we join to something that we create first and foremost. So it's this sense of, if you're familiar with Brene Brown's work and talking about vulnerability and being able to show up as your true self and to feel accepted in that regard, I think that that could constitute a community even if it's just a very small, like you wouldn't consider it being a community. That through the Village, when we started this, our mission statement became, a place for healing where everyone belongs. And I know that a lot of people that therapists work with often find that this person is coming into the office saying, I don't really know quite where I fit and maybe I can let the mask down in here, but will I be accepted by this work community or this school community that I'm a part of. So just being able to kind of find your people that let you normalize that there's nothing wrong with you. Everybody is struggling, believe me. And it is not our character flaws, so to speak, that people will say. It's more like our nervous system reactions. And I know you love parts work. So there, we all have many different parts of us. And when those parts show themselves and they feel rejected, or abandonment in any kind of way. It can cause us to shut down and engage with isolation and not having a sense of wanting to reach out to others. But if you look for these slivers of, can I share a tiny bit of information with this person and it's kind of safe. And then you can like wade in the waters a little bit more. So at the village in particular, we have a lot of workshops and group work and classes and things like that. If you feel safe in this building, in this space with your person, your therapist, maybe you just attend a sound bath or a yoga class and something that might feel overwhelming on the outside. Suddenly you can practice it here and then take those skills out there as well. That's the integration piece. And I think that's what led into the InJoy work and the corporate and retreat work to have a place where people can let down their guard. The two rules at the garden are no news, no shoes. So I know you know that. And we want to leave the outside world out. We want to truly connect as people. And we're losing that as a society, quite honestly. We're losing our communities rather than building them with the integration of how much technology we have. You know, when social media networks started, it was here's a way to stay connected. And we are finding that it's creating more isolation, anxiety, and disconnection than truly it was intended to be. So maybe it's time that we hit a pause and get back to our roots. So hopefully to answer your question, I think the community is wherever your heart feels safe, wherever you feel like, hey, I can really belong here.

 

[11:05] Natalie Bulger:

Yeah, and tell us a little bit about the Village. So I failed to mention the two kind of organizations that you have founded, created. And I think what's beautiful about the Village is there's this idea of we've often been for people that want therapy and they want something like yoga, like wellness, like sound baths, you have to go to different places. And therapy is your therapist and you or group therapy. And then this other stuff is kind of in this group of spiritual existence that's, you know, hey, it's been separated because the idea of those things being medically beneficial or psychologically beneficial have always had, I don't want to say a stigma, but they've had an aura around them, right? There are certain people that promote them. And then we have the therapy that's evidence based in many ways. But we know that some of those things like the movement work, like those spaces where you are, in essence, forced to get back to your grounded self, have impact. The sound bath I came to that you ran, I laughed because I went to my primary care the next day and my blood pressure was down 20 points. It was great. I was thrilled. This is fantastic. But you don't even realize what that does to you in the moment. But there are things. Right?

 

[12:21] Kristy Joy Weidner:

You don't realize what you're holding until you let it go. I mean, The Body Keeps the Score, that's a book by Bessel van der Kolk, and our body truly holds on to experiences and emotions. And in order to release it, we need to have these practices. We need to integrate a lot of different things. I always say throw a bunch of things at the wall and see what sticks. Maybe meditation isn't your thing, but you go to a sound bath and the flow of the music allows you to let go a little bit more. Or maybe yoga per se. I don't even like to say yoga isn't your thing because there are so many different types of yoga. There are yoga classes where you do five poses in an hour. So you're not doing this like crazy sweating and all of that stuff. Or maybe it's Pilates or hiking, whatever it is to get your body moving. We need to move from our logical left brain to our right brain creative side in a multitude of ways in order to really live fully. And I'll say that because otherwise we're just completely shut out and we're not experiencing anything. Or we're so rotely moving through things that we're not stopping to really engage and experience what that coffee tastes like, how that connection is with your neighbor as you're rushing out the door to get to work, or you miss like all of the little things that truly make life worth living. So yeah, I think that being able to have those experiences here, and you had mentioned community, and I do because we're in Pittsburgh, Pittsburghers are listening. The Village is not the only place. There are a lot of great people doing great work and we do need our people, our communities. So for those of you who are working as mental health professionals, if you are a solo practitioner, it's kind of difficult to engage with other professionals because all day long, you know, you're doing this thing with your clients. So there are groups for people that are in the solo practice. And when we created the Village, that was an idea behind, hey, if we're all doing kind of our own independent thing, maybe we could do it together. In a place, you know, that we could support one another, but then also outside of that community as one of the co-owners and a leader of sorts, I need my people who know what that world is like. And so I'll give a shout out. I have a great group of people and I just want to say like East End Therapists, Allison is fantastic. PKO Counseling, Erin with Sprout, they do a lot of work with kids. Hand-in-hand counseling in Penn Hills. And if I forget somebody else, IKEA with a key to peace, I'm gonna throw their name out there because they are doing this exact same work and they are safe spaces for people. They have yoga, mindfulness, all of this. So all across the city, we kind of have these hubs. And if anybody needs a recommendation or a referral in their area, I'm happy to connect them too because I think that it's important that we say, I don't have all the answers and I need support too. So no matter who it is that's going through something, you know, there is some sort of community out there. It's just a matter of deciding that you're willing to accept the help and support and actually reaching out to people.

 

[15:51] Natalie Bulger:

So I have to ask, because I have been surprised actually by some of the listener demographics. And I mean, I have outside the US that sprinkle in there depending on the topics. But if folks are outside the Pittsburgh area, we love to Google, right? So if I'm like, I'm listening to this episode, I'm like, all right, great. I need to find my village in my city. What are some of the things that they should look for when they're looking for kind of where are those combined locations where maybe there's multiple options to find that right fit versus hopping between, I tried this therapist, I didn't like it, now I'm gonna go try this studio over here or do this. What are some of the things they should look for?

 

[16:26] Kristy Joy Weidner:

That's a great question. I told you I was going to forget somebody. Jodi with Forward Wellness, we see you, doing great work as well. Yeah, and like I said, there's just so many people out there doing good stuff. I think that it's important to know that what works for one person doesn't work for everybody. Really knowing that you should go into any sort of experience with your own questions. I tell clients, you're going on a job interview. Is this place of employment the right place for you? Like you are, you know, hoping that you're the right place for them. It's a mutual two-way street and you should be able to ask questions and get answers to those. I have a friend who said, I don't know about this type of therapist. I'm not sure I'm thinking I'm looking for this type of therapist. And we went into somebody that person's office and she said, I will see her based on the books that I see in there. So look for those things. Look for how people show up, how open they are. A good therapist and a good practice will want to let you have other options as well. We can't be like the one size fits all for everybody. And that just is what it is. And at the Village, it's been incredible to see how many people come in saying, I tried calling a bunch of places and nobody even called me back. So people can call here. We have an amazing resource book that some of our interns created, and that's a working document that we keep up with to see who's taking what insurance, what are their specialties. So if you need a good place to start, I am absolutely honored to be able to have our intake people take care of that because I think that that's a huge barrier for people. When you are feeling overwhelmed and you know this is the time you really need something or you're really going through something, do you want to figure out your insurance and their schedule and whether or not it's going to be a good fit? It can at least eliminate some of those barriers.

 

[18:30] Natalie Bulger:

Well, and you mentioned barriers, which is great. It was one of our bullets kind of on the outline list. Navigating the system is a barrier in itself, but also the cost of some things, because it's still a business. I mean, you know. Any of these types of services are done by people who have gone through training. They're trying to support their own families and do their own thing. So what are some of the other barriers and potential solutions or workarounds to a healing journey, I should say, for anyone? Because it looks different, right? And it's tough. When you don't know where to start, the call is the easy thing to do. But then when you're faced with it's going to be $30 per visit or it's, you know, 50 for this retreat or things like that. Are there scholarship things out there? Are there different funds that people can look into? Because we still want everyone to prioritize what they feel they need in order to move forward with life.

 

[19:34] Kristy Joy Weidner:

I don't even know where to begin with that because it breaks my heart quite honestly because I think it should be free for everyone and all the factors that you listed like, sadly, it can't be. I think people are often surprised. They'll say, hey, I think I like talking to people. What does it take to be a therapist or a social worker? And it's like, sit down. So you get your bachelor's degree. You get your master's degree. Then you do 3,000 hours of supervised experience. Not everybody gets a position that offers that supervisory experience for free. So they're paying $100, $150 an hour for that 3,000 hours and then you're talking certifications after that and oh I want to do a yoga training. That's another $3,000, it just all adds up and then even if somebody doesn't have a clinical license, they are working in a yoga studio, they are a yoga instructor. They have gone through thousands of dollars of training. And then it's like, but $20 a class is also, you got to realize that's a lot too. So it is just such a convoluted complex answer to that because we live in the capitalistic society that we live in. We'll just call it out like it is because there's no work around to that. And the insurance is a mess. I will say 20 years ago, when I started in the field, you would get a job, you got your insurance, and that was it. One plan. This is what you paid per month for that plan. And now, if you go into the marketplace, you can look at 17 plans and they all look the same. And you're trying to like navigate that. So that's very confusing. And then some people, if they get to pick their plan, they might say, I'm going to go for a cheaper per month payment but then that means they have a super high $6,000 a year deductible and then they don't realize they're paying out of pocket for everything. So yeah, I have a meditation teacher who said you know if everyone was happy with who they are and what they have the world would be better and we would not be consuming in the ways that a consumeristic society wants you to consume. So if we let that soak in, they want you paying money for all of this stuff. So all of that to say, your community piece from earlier is very important because there are resources out there. And through the InJoy community and at the Village, we have a multitude of options. So some things are free, some things are low cost pay out of pocket, some of the retreat things we can't get around the cost of it because we're paying for the practitioners. Also if you break it down, we try to keep everything under a certain amount and really give you what you're paying for. Because I mean, if you go out with a friend and have a birthday dinner and then you go to a movie afterwards, you're well over $100 at that point. If you go and get a massage for an hour, like that's costing you that. So I think that it's important to pick and choose what works for you and to have your daily practices, but then also the things that you invest in for your own mental and physical health. And that can change, it doesn't always have to be one thing. You can change it up. Depending on the place, there are scholarships available some places, some things are grant funded. I'm doing a lot of work right now. There's not enough hours in the day, but we have in the past gotten grant money to offer mindfulness programming for different demographics, children and youth, mothers, that kind of thing. So you can kind of ask around about that. And then there are also some sliding scale spaces, which will offer some people pay a little bit more, some people pay the asking price. And then if there is a need, you know that there are things affordable to you. I think that finding the communities and the people that are right for you will be willing to work with you if you reach out and say, I mean some people aren't and that just is what it is, but if you reach out to somebody and say hey this is the position I'm in I'm really struggling do you have options for me maybe they don't at their place but maybe they're willing to connect you with somebody who is, so always ask.

 

[24:15] Natalie Bulger:

And I think, you know, that's the great tie in with the Steel Smiling work. Julius, you know, always talks about how he got started was walking the streets of the neighborhood. And he had one conversation that he paid that person to have the conversation with because it was a value of he wanted to value their time and such a flip. And they offer so many things. And I think there are a lot of communities that maybe don't have the promotional budget, the marketing budget to get all of that out there. And you know, it's funny that if you don't leave your house, you can't always know what's going on. So having that chat at the coffee shop or taking a walk and seeing what flyers might be up in the neighborhood if you're in a walkable neighborhood may highlight some of those things. And I think that, as you mentioned, the grant funding and whether that's state or federal or local, if there are people out there that have ideas and they're like, this might be something that people need, to call your reps. I mean, like I just said, there are people at those offices that actually know how to work those systems and might be able to help with some of that.

 

[25:22] Kristy Joy Weidner:

Natalie, can I stop you just for one second? I just want to take a moment to say how awesome Julius is because he really is an innovator and a dear friend. And to your point when you said with that one conversation, we had talked before about, my gosh, even if you're offering free services, how do you get people to know that they need that and to make the time? Because time is also our ultimate challenge and you know, you're competing with somebody's couch and their Netflix when they've had a really long day, even though they know, I'll feel better after I do this thing getting them there. And he had shared that they had a program through Steel Smiling ones that actually offered vouchers to people for things that they needed. And they got those vouchers through participating in community wellness things like yoga, like different practices, wellness practices. So I think that that's fantastic too, because some people don't know. You never know until you try. And you might think, like that sounds like a good idea, but it's not really my thing. But again, there are lots of different spaces and things to try. And in terms of free things, I also through InJoy do some work through the Pittsburgh Downtown Partnership. And they offer if you follow them, if you subscribe to their newsletter, they have things happening all of the time. And they're always free and they're being paid for by tax dollars maybe? I don't know exactly who's paying for them, but it's not the participants and that's the most important part. So you can take a look. We're getting ready to kick off some things. We did Urban Serenity, which was a lunchtime meditation. And through that we had an interesting experience learning just how many people cannot take a break at lunch. And people that write, right? I'm like, people are like, I'll see you next week. And then it's like, where were you? My emails got the best of me. I had an unexpected meeting. I didn't want to stay later. I'm working hybrid and so the culture when the pandemic happened and it was like, maybe we're learning to see what really matters to take a step back to allow people to be flexible with their work schedule and work from home. Nope. We are back at it harder than ever and people are exhausted and we are on, on so to speak. And that wreaks havoc on our nervous system. So just knowing, hey, this is a great practice. Hey, I really want to do this thing. It doesn't always align with our schedule, so we have to prioritize it, put it on your damn schedule, and hold to it. Because when people were even saying to me, I remember when I worked downtown 20 years ago at Mercy, we used to take lunches. We would wait for our friends in the office and we would go take a lunch. People don't seem to be even doing that anymore, and it sucks. That's sad.

 

[28:25] Natalie Bulger:

No, and if anyone's listening and not watching, I raised my hand when Kristy said people don't take lunches, because I was one of those. I literally did not. The only standing was at my standing desk. And then it was right back down, and I never looked away. And I work part-time now at the local hospital, and one of the employees in our office will message me, and he is, I'm taking lunch. If you want to join. And I have to and I forced myself often to walk out and either join him in his office or join in the conference room because it is such a small thing that's gotten lost in the world of the emails don't stop, the IMs don't stop. Time to your point, you know, as we've been chatting even before we started recording, is just this weird convoluted structure now in our lives. But, you know, I think those beautiful examples you've been giving about kind of where your sessions, your work takes place. And the barrier you mentioned about even getting into the industry to be able to be a part of being on the other side, the treatment end of things. You're also treating a very diverse group of people, even if it's not in a one-on-one setting, if it's in a community set. Pittsburgh is very, whether people realize that or not, segregated still by rivers, by hills, by lack of transportation. And when we go into, and it's gotten so much better in the last 20 years of the training that you do, but how are you trained? How do you prepare to work with communities that don't look like you, that don't practice like you, that aren't socioeconomically the same as you. So it's hard to potentially identify or see things from their shoes. How do we trust our therapist, I guess is what I'm asking, to believe us and to work with us versus telling us kind of from their perspective what's right.

 

[30:25] Kristy Joy Weidner:

So therapy to me is about finding patterns, finding patterns and then practice living differently. So how do we do that? We find a safe and trusted person so that therapist can look many different ways. And you started by asking about the segregation and integrating different communities together. And I have a quick and simple answer for that because five or six years ago, I reached out to — this was through Pittsburgh's 40 Under 40. I met a guy named Julius Boatwright. I mean, we just started talking and we had a meeting downtown and I said, Julius, listen, this is, and he agreed with it as well. We can check in with him. I think he agreed with it as well because we sat down and we created a coalition of practitioners who wanted to come to the table and work together because you have to do that in this city. You have to. You cannot say that you live in really south hills or really north hills and that you interact a lot with a diverse community. You just don't. So you have to seek that out. Are you going to spaces? Are you checking out what's happening in the Hill District and the August Wilson Center? So to answer your question, I have those people, whether it's the Muslim community, the trans community, the black community, and really showing up in a way that's curious and authentic. Again, I don't even think people waste time being performative anymore. They just don't give a shit, so they do their own thing and they keep it moving. But to really listen and hear a person's story, I have a quick example if you want it, of somebody, I was having a conversation with a person and we were talking about an article that I read. This was years ago. And an article that I read in a magazine, this was connected to work that I was doing with Venture Outdoors. And this was not a person that was connected with Venture Outdoors. It was just a person that I knew from years before. I said, I'm doing this work with Venture Outdoors. And I read this article that was written by a black woman in the South in Georgia. And she was going on a yoga retreat and deep in the woods had gotten lost in car, but just talked about the fear of not feeling safe enough to stop and even ask for directions or not knowing who to encounter and that I was just like, well shit, like I've never had to worry about that, that privilege that somebody has to really work on safe spaces and really being there in a way that people want and need you to be there. You have to first and foremost ask. Don't assume that you know what needs are of an experience that's outside of yours. And taking time to listen and just being present is something that you had mentioned earlier in this conversation, just being there with a person rather than trying to dictate this is what you need to do. I know what's best. This is what you need to do. And then of course, you'll feel better. Like, no, everybody has different experiences. So anyway, I mentioned this woman's experience from something that I read in this guy's, well, I don't believe that. And I had this moment like, well, okay. So you have some reason to just completely deny somebody else's experience. And in that moment, I was like, not everybody has the heart to want to know and understand where people are at and what they're coming from, where they're coming from. So being cautious. And I think that it's important for people to know not every place you assume to be safe is. So for what it's worth, know who you trust and ask that person and then go from there. I think that just blindly trusting any entity or institution or person isn't really safe, especially now.

 

[34:46] Natalie Bulger:

Love, love, love that you brought that example in and you met Monica, my friend that was there with me and a dear friend of mine and we got into hiking probably in the last seven, eight years and we would hike together and I took her to the boonies of Pennsylvania on more than one occasion in West Virginia and she would always say, am I gonna be safe there? And I mean, it was probably the first two or three trips and I went, yeah, why wouldn't you? Like just completely just brushed it off. And I remember the last one when everything kind of flipped and she said, if I wasn't with you, would I be safe there? And it was like this challenge moment and I went, I was completely just oblivious to the conversation of her experience, her awareness. I'm like, you've lived in Pittsburgh, we've never had a problem. And it was a come to awareness moment for me of that privilege element that lays in there as a white straight woman who can pretty much go in this tri-state area of Pennsylvania, West Virginia, and blend in to be quite honest. And so I think it's a great appreciation for we're different.

 

[35:57] Kristy Joy Weidner:

Sure, sure. And being able to name that privilege and use it for good, I have made a promise to every single person that I know that I promise you that if you're coming to my house, anybody that you engage with is not a person that is, to put it bluntly, like the person that I was telling you about with the article. Like that is just not, it's not something that anybody should have to question like when they're in our presence, I would say. And again using privilege, what conversations are you having in white spaces? Where are you challenging and I am just — I told my brother he is an honorary social worker because he is a carpenter and I've heard him and seen him challenge people both online and in person in spaces where he didn't have to, he could have kept his mouth shut and just let somebody say something but now where we're at especially now it is not okay for people to just be hateful with an excuse of why that is like in a righteous space for him. So to all of you people out there listening that have an opportunity and you hear something, say something, challenge it, let people know that is not okay to harbor hate. Like it's just not okay.

 

[37:32] Natalie Bulger:

And I think it's beautiful how this all intertwines because then that goes to also how we shift communities, right? So a community that I may appear to belong to at face value by seeing me or looking at demographics or what I look like on paper may not be the true community that I feel at home with or that I feel I belong to and having that ability to shift and change your community. So the amount of people we see, especially right now who are having moments where they're waking up and they're realizing their original community has shifted and moved on and do they want to be with one shift or do they want to come back with another shift? And so people flexing and moving and it's a good lean into the point of generational and societal kind of traumas and things that we are trying to work through now and how they may be rearing their heads and they're coming up in new lights and in new triggering ways for people. And while there's a component of you can do some with one person. So you work with one person and hope that there is a trickle effect or they're able to then go out and kind of apply that knowledge. But are we also seeing instances where kind of the society and the environment that we're living in is causing, and I don't want to call them regressions or backslides, but they're causing new fissures that require us to pay time and attention to because I can tell you there's probably some reactions or things people never expected to have because we never expected to be challenged with certain words again or with certain, you know, feelings of outright segregation being applied again. And yet here we are. So, and especially in these past few years, how have you maybe seen that come up or what are some of the trends that are being seen on? Well, it's bigger than just this one person or there's just one small community, there's a huge swath of healing that will have to take place at some point. How the heck do we tackle it?

 

[39:40] Kristy Joy Weidner:

I mean, to a large degree, when people feel threatened they need somebody to blame and when people feel like there's a scarcity mindset and something's being taken away from me, they need to go after somebody else in order to preserve what is rightfully theirs. Like that's the patriarchy that's always been ingrained in this society from the very beginning. So people will say, you're just calling it that again, or it's just that like, no, that is what it is. And the world is looking at us and we are quite literally awful right now. I mean, my friends who live in other countries will not be coming to visit. Like the planes are empty, nobody's coming, nobody wants to be a part of what's happening here. So again, I feel like that's all I have to say because I don't have an answer. Like I really, really hope that, again, people just show up for each other, that they really show up outside of their comfort zone, not just in a performative way, but in a way that really seeks to uplift others. But I don't know.

 

[41:01] Natalie Bulger:

And you mentioned what hurt people do. And I think in situations like this, we're creating hurt communities.

 

[41:11] Kristy Joy Weidner:

Perpetuating it through fear and the internet like this division and like, did you watch the social dilemma? I feel like I always bring that up with people but to your point with emails before too, email, Gmail was designed to be addictive. So I've learned again, going back to my ADHD brain that I could stay stuck in my email thinking that I'm checking off boxes by answering things as quickly as possible as they come in, but it is not as effective or productive as checking it two times a day for like a half an hour at a time, 45 minutes at a time or whatever. But to that point too, in the social dilemma, they talk about AI and the bots and what's being fed. So if you were spending time sitting there, look at all you got to do is go to one of the news stations and pick up a feel good story and just look at hateful comments on that. Like, what the hell are we doing with our time? How much time can we be spending connecting, not even with other people if we don't want to, connect with your garden outside of your house? Feed the birds. I don't know, but just really taking the time to practice these things. Again, like looking at patterns in our lives and seeing how we can show up differently. And if one of your patterns is, I'm kind of checked out and I'm not showing up for my friends or my community in some sort of way. Looking at just a little step forward that you can do that.

 

[42:47] Natalie Bulger:

And I guess I'll ask a direct question because it feels very, for millennials, elder millennials especially, one of the trends that we're seeing are we're breaking up with our parents, right? And some of this is being perpetuated by differences in beliefs and some of that hate component and people not standing up or not being clear about which community they support. And at some point the pendulum will swing. I have faith in that, right? That there will be a swing back to some point, maybe not a whole way, but we're going to have people that are going to come and ask for forgiveness and ask us to trust them again and ask us to be a part of the healing journey that they might be on. And at that point, I don't know. But, you know, as we're looking at protecting our own growth and our own development and the people that have been doing what they can to better themselves, to better their community, when those times happen, when people come back and they say, I went back in, let me back in the clubhouse. I've changed, I'm better. What are some of the things that we should think about? Because the answer isn't to just blanketly trust, right? Or even trust but validate. There's a point of how do we keep our boundaries? How do we protect but not necessarily alienate and contribute to, all right, we're gonna push them right back out and we're gonna see if the pendulum swings again.

 

[44:33] Kristy Joy Weidner:

To say something that I find myself saying often in therapy for various different reasons — we're not there yet. So that's a whole lot of like what ifs, like, because again, will they? I don't know. Some people, I think, most important, we can look at what's happening right now. And I think that safety is by far the most important thing. I think of all the social workers I know there are some people that yes have had to not go to certain family functions or not show up in the way that they used to and it is heartbreaking to know that there are people who will say, man, this example is coming up again and again, to the person's point of that article that was written, I don't believe it. I don't care. And there are those people that are like that. So are those people really truly people that you want to have in your life? And to what degree? If it is a yes, because I really care about them. Keep a very surface level. And every person in relationship is different. There are things that you can challenge. There are things that you must challenge. It depends on, again, the person and the situation. But I do have some clients in particular that have family members. I wouldn't even say friends because I think at this point people are sticking with the things that make them feel good. So that's not necessarily a bad thing. But also working with, it's interesting because people have a lot of thoughts and rightfully so about certain demographics and we work with first responders and people will say, my God, like how do you do that? Well, first responders who are coming to a holistic practice for mental health services aren't necessarily first responders who are saying, I don't want to be a part of healing and helping. And my gosh, some of the work that goes on, whether it's — I mean, we work with 911 dispatchers, law enforcement, fire, EMTs, people that work at the medical examiner's office. These are people that are showing up every single day for their community and many are helpers. So to immediately discard and say all of this one group is bad, I think is just kind of also feeding into ways in which we don't want to be othering people. So and I don't want to say that the systems that were built around some of these institutions are good because they are not and they were purposely designed to harm and segregate and eliminate people groups of people and that's horrible and so but again, the point of who are you dealing with? What are their intentions? What are your intentions? And can you connect in a way? I love working with no matter who it is that says, rather than the answer from that article saying, huh, I never thought of it that way. What can I do to make spaces safer for people rather than, that's not a thing.

 

[47:58] Natalie Bulger:

To your point, institutions change from the inside out. It takes some very strong voices that are in those institutions that have been built on crooked foundations to straighten them out over time.

 

[48:11] Kristy Joy Weidner:

And sadly, a lot of people are just quitting. Like they are, because they're burnt out and they can't take it. And quite honestly, the money isn't worth it. And then you're getting people in that are less qualified and less driven and not in it for the good reasons.

 

[48:26] Natalie Bulger:

But I think it's a great reminder to not apply assumptions blanketly, simply based on maybe a singular experience that we've had. And to give a little bit of that benefit of the doubt when you're first engaging maybe with a community that historically has been something you haven't felt in line with or connected to, because there may be a nugget in there and maybe through that relationship there's change that happens or there's, you know, support that you receive as a part of that. You know, who knows who might need a security guard and the police, you know, they don't want to be a part of where they are and that they're looking for an opportunity and another pathway so I think —

 

[49:09] Kristy Joy Weidner:

I've been to some of the protests downtown and had some very great interactions with the police that were there to maintain safety and order. And the people at the protest, despite what you may read about or hear is happening, are also very respectful and peaceful. And I think that as humans, if we can respect differences in opinion, not in behavior that is just — I just think that, again, we are our differences. So immigrant communities, all different walks of life, that is what the fabric of what's supposed to make us so great, so to speak. And we want to cut that out because we have fear that somebody is going to take something that was owed to us on some level. I don't know. It feels very much that we are being pitted against each other for somebody else's benefit. And maybe I'll just leave it at that.

 

[50:15] Natalie Bulger:

Yeah. Well, and I think, you know, as we somehow are already at a 50 minute mark of this podcast, Kristy, I don't know how that happens. You know, a couple of the things I wanted to hit at this end, and we'll talk about what's coming up for InJoy and the Village in the summer, but is the point of therapists need a breather too. The helpers need help. And I know that's something we're in Fred Rogers community. We always say look for the helpers, but the helpers get tired too. And, you know, so if you had to provide a reminder out there for your community, the folks that do what you do, what is the reminder that you would give them in times like this where it feels like you made it through COVID when everyone realized they needed therapy in that two to three years. Now we're in another realm where it just feels like we can't catch a break. And it's not, I mean, there's no sign of it easing up at any point. So how do we keep you well? How do we keep the helpers healthy and functional.

 

[51:15] Kristy Joy Weidner:

Tell them to practice what they preach, because we often don't. I am going to try, I hope that I have a resource here, because it just made me think of something that I shared, because it's important to remember that we can't be everything to everybody, despite our own best efforts. So you brought up COVID, so I'll share my personal experience with that. Being one of the owners, everything just started to happen so quickly all at once. And I remember being at our West End location on a Wednesday night. I had a group. It was a cool group. We would do therapy and then yoga together. And that was kind of a way of integrating things. So these were people that were very aware of what was happening. Because there were people like, what? It's fine. Like I'm going to go for same patch with same make out with a whole bunch of people. But anyway, so trying to navigate what are the right choices and to ride the wave from extreme anxiety to like extreme dismissiveness. This isn't really important. And to try to maintain the facts and make choices that impacted our staff and our clients and so on down the line. So my personal — when the time was where people might say, you should be making sure that you block off certain times and you do these things in order for self care. I didn't listen to any of it. I was seeing like eight people a day, seven days a week working on Sundays too. I would binge the news around 10 o'clock at night because I really wanted to understand what was happening from multiple standpoints. So there went my appetite after that. Couldn't sleep, up, rinse and repeat the next day for probably a couple of months until I realized I was burnt out. I was trying to but nobody else is there, you know what I mean? The groups I had people in IOP, people that were in mom support groups, people that had trauma histories that were in a higher level of care and everything shut down. So to all of you independent therapists out there, wow. My hat's off to you because if you made it through that, my goodness, it was rough. And we saw the need again and rose to the occasion to meet it. But I knew for myself that wasn't going to be sustainable. And once I hit a wall and took a little bit of a break and was able to regroup after it was probably like a good two weeks of extraordinary self care of really creating — well, you had to do it at home at the time. My meditation teacher and mentor at the time helped me create a daily retreat at home and that included cleaning my whole space, getting some fresh flowers, getting back into my meditation practice, getting some movement every day, getting the dogs up, getting into nature, just slow, like not slowly integrating at that time. I needed like a really hard reset. So if you are in a space right now where you need a hard reset, do something. If you can't get out of the city and your house, we have some — we'll get to that too at InJoy, we have some retreat things happening that are kind of like daycations for people. And I think that it's just so important to have the people who you can say, I'm not okay, because we fake it, fake it, fake it. I'm good. I can take it. I can give me more. I rise to the challenge, but we're gonna end on parts work. I was hoping that we would get to some kind of parts work. I pulled up this Lindsay Brahman is a woman who, are you familiar with her work? She has some of the coolest, I'll send it to you after, some of the coolest artwork to kind of integrate some of these therapy concepts. And I love having transition pieces for clients and for us to remind ourselves where we're at and kind of what we're doing. This one in particular is nervous system responses under fascism, actually. So also leads to the topic we were talking about before. So that fight, flight, freeze, and the new one, fawn. People are like, yeah, I've heard that. Fight is like you're ready for a fight. Flight, you're running away. But what does that really, really look like in life? And if we have like two minutes, maybe I can give some examples.

 

[55:56] Natalie Bulger:

Yeah, please.

 

[55:59] Kristy Joy Weidner:

So the fight response, what might that look like if you are in nervous system overwhelm right now? That would be actively pushing back. Ready to like stand up and stand down in a way that isn't healthy or productive because you're just kind of like the angry barking dog. Expressing big emotions or experiencing and expressing big emotions. So if you are constantly like in reactive mode, just blowing up, just ready to burst, that would be like one of those fight responses and also making plans just constantly being in the I gotta be busy. My motto used to be better busy than bored and now I look back and I'm like, well that was stupid. That's not a thing. She has a flop response here, so we'll entertain that. Flop would be feeling numb, moving extra slowly and struggling with your self-care like knowing, I should take a bath because I know my Epsom salts and lavender help me and light a candle, but I can't peel myself off of this couch and stop. That scroll is very addicting. The fawn response, and for those of you who don't know, fawn is kind of like the people pleaser. Like I wanna make sure everybody's okay around me in order to — not in order to but what happens as a result of. So the fawn response would be value on preserving your connections, attuning to others reactions, being really sensitive to how other people are reacting and responding and not having a safe space in between you and other people and focusing on caring for others. That was mine. So there you go. That was my trauma response during COVID. And now I recognize, guess what? If I'm the one that is constantly trying to be there to meet this person in particular's need, whether it's a client, a friend, a neighbor, whatever. They're not getting to use their other supports. And guess what? People have lots of supports and it's not, it can't always be us. They have different needs in different ways, if that makes sense. So freeze response would be seeking calm space, conserving your energy and doom scrolling, cocooning. And again, these things can be healthy, but we're saying you're doing this to an unhealthy degree. Flight is seeking distraction, creating distance and keeping us distant from what's really going on under the surface. And these are our parts just trying to keep us safe. So again, recognize them first, recognize the patterns, and then how do we integrate practices that are going to be healthy and sustaining. And I don't think there's any better way than to have people around you that are your community that help you be accountable to you. So that, in a nutshell, is what community means to me.

 

[59:19] Natalie Bulger:

And a lot of those things you described, as people are listening, they may actually feel that in their body somewhere. I know when I'm in like fight mode, it's in like my fingers, because I'm like, just gotta get it out. Or when you're in fawn, it's kind of up in your throat. You know, I feel lifted, but also not lifted. So I think just paying attention to those body signals and, you know, those parts all together. So I want to hear —

 

[59:44] Kristy Joy Weidner:

Yeah, actually, you said feeling that in your body and for anxious people, that's the easiest example that I can go to. Knowing your anxiety is there because it's telling you something. It's not there for no reason. So people will be like, I get a little flutter. My hands are a little bit sweaty. Stop. Really feel your feet on the ground and take three deep intentional breaths and say, I see you. What do I need? And so, and it's like, you need to take a little bit of a walk. You need to get a snack, whatever it is. Your body will tell you, we have intuition, use it.

 

[60:26] Natalie Bulger:

So as we wrap up and we could talk for a whole nother probably two to three hours on all of this, but I want to make sure people know where can they find out information about InJoy? Where can they find out information about the Village? And is there anything kind of coming up this summer or you're planning on this summer that they should keep an eye out for? And all of this will be in the show notes too. If you're listening, you can look that up. But go ahead, Kristy, tell us what we need to know.

 

[60:48] Kristy Joy Weidner: Fantastic. At the Village, that's www.villagetherapy.org. You can sign up online if you're seeking therapy services. And again, whether or not you're in the area, we can take your insurance. We will be sure to connect you with somebody that's a good fit for you. Our people are just so good at really listening and hearing what your needs are. I'm running a grief support group right now that will likely be ongoing because as a society and a culture, we do not do well with these things. There are other cultures that embrace life transitions and changes, and we just don't. We teach people, I'm uncomfortable with your emotions, keep those away from me. So that has been really good. And we're looking at offering some more community free support to people that are looking for a drop in place to talk about grief and loss. We have cacao ceremonies, which is heart opening ceremonies. We have yoga classes four days a week that are really gentle. We have Kundalini yoga that's breath based. So those are things happening at the Village offhand. We have a mom support group. We have a men's support group. They're taking a field trip to the stables to do some equine therapy with the horses and meditation with the horses, which is really cool. We also have an event coming up in September with Bella Terra stables for the first responder community as well. InJoy Meditation, we're getting ready to kick off 2026 season. Natalie, you were able to come for a winter candlelight sound bath, but I have sunset meditations the first and third Wednesday of the month. The first one always includes Quest who does sound healing and then on the third one we have just like it's kind of like drop in. So we have guided meditation, but you don't have to engage in all of the activities. I always say, pick your pleasure, choose your own adventures. So as long as you just want to have time in the garden, you can bring a book, you can bring a friend, you can do the meditation stuff. That is the sunset meditations. We have a Seed to Table event in June and then July and October we have self-care summer camp and a fall self-care where you come, you get a mini facial, you get a mini massage, you get different movement activities. And we also have like creative activities that happen there. And again, it's just an invitation to be in a place that I promise you is safe, that you can leave your shoes and the news outside of the gates and really connect with what it is that you need. Because the last thing we need is to have our self care scheduled, right? People show up at the gardens and they're like, okay, where do I go next? What do I do? Tell me to do it. And I'm like, I don't know, like go — well, then, okay, I get into the garden and then what? So let's practice being able to spend time without purpose. Because that's play. And that's going back to Brene Brown that we need that creative spirit in order to show up as our best selves.

 

[64:12] Natalie Bulger:

I love that and we'll make sure that the Instagram handle is linked and all of that because the info is out there. You will be able to see it. You'll sign up if you're local. And if you're not local, there are these types of organizations probably in your general more urban setting areas, but you never know what's in your actual community. So throw some Google search terms in there, see what you come up with, see what you find, and trust your gut as you heard. And you know, really give yourself a little bit of space and credit for the work you're doing. If you've listened to this whole episode, you're doing some work, you're listening, you're learning, and that's what we're all here to do. So Kristy, any final thoughts as we close out an absolutely fantastic conversation?

 

[64:57] Kristy Joy Weidner:

Well, first and foremost, again, I want to thank you just for creating this space and having the conversations because it's so important to be able to share our ideas and where we're at. So I think that in my heart, I feel like it's important to tell people just to trust, just to, I mean, it's so easy to walk through the world looking for what's wrong and what's bad, but to really open our eyes to the things that we need and the people who feel good and the things that feel good and just giving ourselves more opportunity for that. And sometimes that means letting go of things that no longer serve you. People say that all the time, but that's a really hard process. And that's really difficult to come to terms with, but I knew this thing for so long and I hold on to this behavior or this person or this thing that is not really creating good energy for me and to trust again that whatever it is you let go of, there is new to come in.

 

[66:00] Natalie Bulger:

It. So thank you so much for being here, Kristy. This has been great. Everyone, please check out the show notes. Go seek that information. And I hope that you'll come back for another topic soon on Motivation N'at where we take hot mess to high potential. Thanks, Kristy. And thanks everyone for listening.

 

[66:16] Kristy Joy Weidner:

Thank you.