Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of Motivation N’at I'm Natalie, your host.

And this is where we take hot mess to high potential.

Today, I’m really excited for my guest, who is someone that I never would have met otherwise, having referrals come in and out of life for services things.

And then you realize that you're learning about yourself, you're learning about them, and you're really just understanding life so much better.

 

0:28

And I'm not going to beat around the Bush because this is my third time, I think, trying to get this intro done because of Internet issues.

And I want you guys to hear from Mindy.

And Mindy is someone that I met because she did our wedding photos, she did our engagement photos.

And she captured real life, real humans in real moments in ways that a lot of photographers I think may struggle when it comes to candid and exciting places, things and everything.

 

0:54

But on top of that, Mindy, your story is just one that just shows just how resilient and just I think in touch people can be with life's journey over time.

And you know, when I first met you, never in a million years what I know your entire back story.

 

1:11

But we got kind of bits and pieces as we were taking photos and then learning more just from kind of staying connected on social media.

So Mindy Wiseman, our guest today, she is the owner, the soul, the heart behind the Guild photography.

And Mindy, I'm going to let you go ahead and introduce yourself.

 

1:28

Tell us who you are, what are you about and how did you get to kind of where you are today and and who you are today?

Man, that's a loaded question.

So I am a wife and a mom of five kids.

I have been doing photography professionally, or it'll be 7 years in June, but I have always been like more on the creative side.

 

1:53

And I don't really remember a time in my life that I didn't have a camera in my pocket.

I kind of grew up in the Myspace era.

So like we all have like the lime green Kodak in the back pocket, you know?

And so I realized very early on that it was a passion, but there was a lot of push that, like, art could not be a career.

 

2:15

So as I got older, it kind of led me down career paths that I wasn't really passionate about.

And then one day it hit me and I was like, this is what I'm supposed to be doing?

And I have to say, you know, when I got connected with you, which was through the people doing our day of planning and hair and makeup, and I was just like, oh, I'm looking for a photographer and I want someone who will be present in the moment and isn't going to pose us and all of these crazy things.

 

2:41

And Crystal was like, oh, well, I have that person.

Here's Mindy.

And, you know, we chatted a couple times, but you know, when you came out to do those engagement photos and it was a place you'd never seen before.

And you're looking around and you're like, and you could just see kind of the magic working.

 

2:57

And you're like, all right, let's go here, Let's go.

And we went all over that property.

And I think in a world where people often times want to look so perfect, you took moments where I'm throwing my hair up in a messy bun because I'm sweating as we're huffing up and down these hills.

 

3:13

But you're in there with us.

You were down in that water when we climbed in the water and got our clothes wet.

And do you find that something when you enjoy it to the extent that you enjoy it, you find the people you work with kind of tap into that a little bit too.

 

3:29

And it feeds off each other in this way that it's not.

I don't want to say it doesn't feel as much like work, at least for the people modeling and taking the photos.

But what about for you?

It does not feel like work to me.

I always make jokes with my clients that I I call my sessions adventures most of the time because that's really what it is and that's reflective of kind of how I live life.

 

3:54

We're just trying to find the beauty in everyday moments and trying to make something ordinary look extraordinary.

And that's, you can see that in my work.

And what's really funny, I always say that I shoot like a squirrel because I'll be like focused on one shot.

And then as soon as that shots over, I'm like, wait, right there, we have to go over there.

 

4:13

That's just how my brain works.

And so I'm kind of able to like see everything start coming together before it happens because I just noticed a moment, a glimmer.

And that's my job is to capture those.

That's what makes me I don't feel like it's work.

And sometimes every once in a while, I kind of like re evaluate my business structure and reflect and make sure that it stays that way because, you know, taking on too much or projects that I'm not really passionate about can make it feel like work very quickly.

 

4:41

And that was never what this was meant to be for me.

So I tried to stay really honest with myself about my intentions.

I remember and it two kind of ways that I I learned about what your journey was like.

And one, when you came out and did our, our first set of photos, you were talking about moving in, I think your grandma's house, right?

 

5:01

And all the stuff that you were doing as you were making the shift and, and coming into this home, that was very important and, and all those kind of layers.

And then as I was looking up some of your work, I saw some of the things you did where you were highlighting people who had been through an addiction journey and they had been sober and clean and they were sharing kind of where they've been and, and where they are now.

 

5:22

And I know that means something really, really important to you.

And some of the stuff we're going to chat about today is the impact of family and relationships and kind of that rediscovering of yourself and that journey.

But let's start with kind of, and I know I didn't have this on the outline, so sorry, I'm tossing it in there.

 

5:40

But those sets of photos that you did where you brought people who were talking like they held, I think the picture of them before and kind of then being able to highlight where they are now.

What was that like?

What were some of those meaningful moments and and why was that so important for you to to do?

 

5:56

So those people were actually people I knew like in real life during my own addiction.

So that was really special to me.

To kind of see a, a group of us who had been through what we had and were on the other side of it really meant a lot to me.

 

6:15

One of them is now my neighbor.

She is the absolute best neighbor.

I all of them are still doing wonderful, but she's my neighbor.

So further than that, we've been able to like build a relationship.

She loves my kids.

I feel really like grateful to have her as a neighbor.

But the other two have literally, we've seen each other at our worst.

 

6:34

And so it was a really special moment because they saw me at my worst, too.

And so now they're bringing in pictures of who they used to be.

And I know they remember who I used to be.

And at the time I had a studio.

And so we were like shooting those in my studio.

 

6:49

And so they knew me when I had nothing.

And it was just nice to be able not only for them to say, hey, I see you.

I, I remember and I see what you've done.

And I'm proud of you.

But I do also believe that being candid about those struggles help other people that are still struggling.

 

7:08

Because there was once a time where I felt like it was impossible for me.

And so I always want to be a reminder that it's not impossible.

And I, I mean, I have to say, as you know, when we first met, not in a million years that I expect to see on a Facebook page from you, you know, a couple months later, this post and you were talking about what your journey had been like from that kind of bottom point to where you are now.

 

7:32

And I was just like, I remember pulling Josh and going, I had no idea.

Like, I'm so like immensely proud of her.

And I hardly know her.

But this is like, I'm so glad to see that conversation happening because the stigma is so incredibly just overwhelming in those scenarios.

 

7:49

Not having been through that journey myself, you know, learning from folks and because it's not a straight line, right?

The whole point of this podcast is there's all kind of messy metals through the whole thing.

But if you don't mind, like take us through what that's been like because I think you've got components of addiction that come through the family and then you what your own journey has been along that that route and and let's start pulling apart what all of that kind of has been like and what you've learned along the way.

 

8:17

Because I think to your point, others hearing about it, that might be tapping in and knowing people that in their life that are going through that or themselves going through that.

Sometimes it's the first step is knowing you're not alone.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Definitely my, I never really like when I was growing up, I was, I was an only child, so and I was also kind of devious, like I kind of snuck around and did whatever I wanted when I was younger.

 

8:42

But when I did get caught, like I didn't really have consequences for my mom, like my mom would keep everything a secret and you know, like we're just not going to tell dad.

And so I kind of just started experimenting with smoking marijuana when I was younger, you know, and then not that I'm not saying that that's a gateway, so I don't, I do not feel that way.

 

9:05

I'm just saying that was the first thing that I ever like touched.

And then, you know, I just moved on to like other things.

And throughout my addiction, everything just progressed like, and I, I thought I was fine.

You know, I like a lot of people do like it's, I thought I was fine.

 

9:21

It was just something else to Get Me Out of myself because along with addiction, a mental health is an issue in my family too.

That's kind of like a generational thing.

And I started suffering with like ADHD and anxiety when I was young and my parents didn't believe in medication.

 

9:37

So I found the next best thing that would help me feel comfortable in my skin.

And so that just progressed really quickly.

And I, I remember knowing that like what I was doing was wrong, but I didn't care because I just wanted to escape.

 

9:53

And, you know, there were multiple attempts to try to get help, but you have to want it at least a little bit.

And at the beginning, I really did not.

I didn't, I didn't think I needed it.

I thought it was fine.

So it was a long, a long journey.

 

10:10

And I ended up using drugs for 10 years, I think.

Yeah, a little, yeah, about 10 years, maybe a little less.

But I went through a lot of things and I did a lot of things that I'm not proud of.

 

10:27

Like I look back and I'm like, I don't even know who that person is.

And it's like, it's funny that you say that because there's a I've, you know, there's people who remember, I live in a small town.

I'm still in the town I grew up in.

But there are people who remember that version of me.

 

10:43

But then there are people who have never seen that.

So when I tell them, they're like, what?

And I'm like, yeah, like, but it feels that same way to me when I, when I'm talking and like looking back, like I, that person is a stranger to me.

And it is attainable because I promise you, there was a time when I actually and did end up like getting help.

 

11:05

The person that was sending me to treatment, I told them that I didn't want to go.

I said, you can't fix me.

I'm not fixable.

I'm probably going to die like this.

And I've accepted that.

And that's just what it is.

And they were like, no, you're not.

And so I ended up saying, all right, I'll give it one more shot.

And I have not touched substances since then, which is like insane to say because at that point in my life I genuinely believed in that.

 

11:28

Like I I could not have ever envisioned a life without substances, and now I can't imagine using a substance.

Well, and I appreciate the note.

You know, the marijuana not a gateway, but when we look at in, you know, we're near same age, what the stigma was with that when we were younger.

 

11:48

And it was it was the thing you did in the corner and you didn't talk about it.

And for a lot of people, it was the first attempt at a self medication.

It was either alcohol or weed because there was the two things you could get, especially when you were under 18 or even under 21.

And you know, so if you weren't, didn't have that support from a mental health point or any of those pressures, it created the psychological component of, well, this is my own little dirty secret.

 

12:15

And then once you're in in that, it's just, well, now it's just another thing here.

Now it's just, and then it it hurts to take that bandage off because shame is a really powerful deterrent from, you know, taking kind of steps into a different direction because of fear of judgement or fear of what other people say.

 

12:36

And I love that you mentioned, you know, you're still in your hometown people, you know, know you and, and I'm Josh and I live in a hometown now and we work with folks.

And sometimes he'll be like, Oh yeah, I remember partying with them or, you know, someone's like, yeah, I went to jail with them.

And now we're out, you know, so it's, it's a different engagement instead of stories.

 

12:55

Did you find that being in that small town, you know, kind of place was maybe it's been both harder to kind of break away or find what that new path is, or in some ways easier because the support system is far different than if you're in a big urban setting and no one knows your name.

 

13:15

It's been both depending on the point of the journey, I will say, like when I was still like actively using and stuff, small talents talk and not everybody talks nice and that's OK.

Like I, I have come to terms with a lot of the things that people said about me.

 

13:31

I absolutely deserved it.

Like I'm self aware I, I was, I deserved it.

So I think in the beginning stages when I was attempting to get clean or I had just gotten clean, people were like, yeah, OK, we'll see.

And rightfully so, you know, everybody knew might now on top of living in a small town, my mom owned the only hair salon in town at the time.

 

13:56

So often my mom knew what I did before I did it or everybody knew.

So it just it was, you know, small towns are double edged swords.

So when all of this was going on, when I was early in my recovery, everybody was talking about it.

 

14:16

And there were definitely people.

And I'm saying this, I know that to be fact because they told me there are definitely people who in the beginning were like, yeah, right, There's no way.

And now some of those same people are like, I'm gonna be completely honest, I didn't think you could do it, you know?

But when people realized, I think that I was serious and I continued to make the changes, I've have felt more supported than I think I would have ever felt anywhere else.

 

14:42

When you look back on those first few years as you were kind of navigating that and probably, you know, doing so with a different perspective or different influences along the way, were there key moments that reinforced I'm doing, I'm doing the right thing?

 

14:58

Like this is the right way to go Because so relapses happen.

A lot of folks go through them.

And I think and anything we do, sometimes it's hard to see the small wins or those small moments that are like, oh, all of this has been for a reason.

 

15:14

Can you recall any of those or anything come to mind that you know you very much kind of I couldn't have done this had I not kind of taken these first couple steps?

Yeah, definitely.

I remember when I didn't even know how long I had been clean at the time, but I went and financed a car for myself the for the first time and like, listen, my interest rate was through the roof.

 

15:39

I didn't care.

You couldn't tell me nothing because I was like, listen, I could do it.

I, I did it.

And I remember like being able to make those like car payments.

And I worked a job that I hated.

It was a factory job and I was working 60 to 70 hours a week and I absolutely hated it.

 

15:57

But I did it.

I showed up everyday and those were like the small things to me.

And then I got promoted and then, then they moved me to the sales side of it.

And I'm just like, those are the small things that never would have happened.

 

16:13

And so, like, those are, you know, that's just a normal day for everybody else.

But for somebody who's coming back from what is arguably the worst thing that they've ever had to go through, those small wins are what keep you going.

What did the relationship with your family look like during that time?

 

16:32

So I know that there are families out there who once they kind of get used to this is how my kid is or this is how my spouse is.

And then that person changes and they're forced to looked at themselves in a lot of ways and be like, did I was IA part of this?

Or how am I going to interact with whom this person is becoming, you know, only child here too.

 

16:53

So I've been through that with just my mom.

Like we have batches where we can't communicate because we're in different stages of life.

But for you, what is that kind of been like a you know, I know your parent, your you've had some moments along the way, but.

 

17:09

Yeah, there were definitely people in my family who are very skeptical.

I mean, I pretty much lost everybody.

And there were still people who were like, I love you, but I'm going to love you from over here.

And, you know, so I, my dad, I will say he was a tough man.

 

17:30

I attribute a lot of who I am today to the things that my dad taught me.

And he was one of those dads where I really just thought he was mean until I was like 30.

And then I'm like, wait, you're like really smart.

So he always stood by me.

 

17:46

But the, the way that he stood by me probably looked harsh to some people, but it was that love that got me through and taught me my relationship with my mom was and I, I mean, me and my dad were best friends and I took care of my dad until the day he passed away.

 

18:06

And my dad was terms of endearment were kind of like hard for him.

And I know that it was because he not because he didn't want to, but he had some trauma growing up.

And so we just had to like learn each other.

And so like him telling me that he was proud of me, I was like, that was all I ever needed to hear my entire life.

 

18:25

And I knew that he meant it.

My mom and I's dynamic was a little bit different.

It was almost like we switched places in a way.

So up until she passed away, our relationship was very rocky.

There were a lot of things that she was a part of during my active addiction, but people didn't necessarily like know that.

 

18:47

And so I was just kind of the bad guy.

It was like one of those, my mom and I's relationship is always very toxic, but I've, I've come to terms with it.

I know that she did the best she could with what she had and she was battling mental illness as well.

So I know that she was definitely like glad to see me like get clean.

 

19:07

But I still feel like we never really got that chance because I was working on fixing my life and hers was going in a different direction.

So we really never got that chance to like, you know, like both have everything good at the same time, but life happens.

 

19:23

Yeah, well, and you mentioned, you know, you're a mom of five and they're spread out, right?

You've got teenagers getting ready to graduate.

You've got the little ones and, you know, being able to, you know, reflect on how you want to be a parent and how you want to engage with them.

 

19:41

What are some of the things that you have found really focusing on as you are now official?

You are in that parent role, and not only in that parent role, but a parent role with some really unique experiences that you know others may not have or their their kids can't learn about certain things in the same light.

 

20:03

My I'm a I'm an open book with my children.

They all know that there is not anything.

I don't think that my children are afraid to tell me.

I will say that they are much, knock on wood, they are much better children than I was at 15.

 

20:23

Now my oldest, we're a blended family, but my oldest kind of went through a lot of these things right along with me.

He did live with my mom for a little while and that was an agreement from all of us.

I knew that I couldn't fix me and I just wanted him to have what was best for him.

 

20:40

And so he was with my mom for a little while, but he still solved these things.

He still, you know, he still knew what was going on.

He's a very intelligent child.

And so I'm honest with my kids, my my younger ones know what's age appropriate.

 

20:57

They're five and six.

So those conversations will come later.

So like I have a parent like very open.

When I was like growing up, taboo topics were taboo.

We didn't talk about them.

And I think that growing up in a small town, you know, you hear things that will never happen to you.

 

21:15

And so those taboo topics stayed taboo and that was really it.

So I'm very honest with my kids, age appropriate.

My oldest kids know my story.

They know that I was addicted.

They know that I've been arrested.

 

21:32

There's really not a lot that they don't know.

And because of that, because I'm able to be honest about the things that I've done, it really just keeps that communicate line of communication open with us.

Like they are not afraid to talk to me.

I've had my kids like come and essentially tell on themselves and I'm like, OK, that's great.

 

21:50

We made a mistake.

Now how do we recover from it?

So I have definitely found that like being honest is the most important part of parenting for me.

I kind of come from a sweep it under the rug family, sweep everything under the rug, keep the secrets.

I am not like that.

 

22:07

I have just, I don't agree with it.

I think that it's harmful and so I just like to keep everything like out in the open.

And because of that, like, my kids trust me and I trust my kids.

There was on a recent episode of psych psychologist Dr. Gildner, she referred to them as like cheap statements that parents would make to do that kind of sweep under the rug, like just, oh, it's fine.

 

22:33

Like, or oh, everything will be OK, you know, And it there wasn't a moment to sit in the uncomfortableness and really understand it and learn from it, even if part of that was because the parent was uncomfortable in a way.

Well, the kid is too.

Like, let's work through it together.

So that idea of kids being willing to tell on themselves because there isn't a fear of punishment in the sense of I think how we may have thought of punishment when we were younger, you know, and more a sense of I'm going to learn.

 

23:01

This might not be, it's not like I'm going to get rewarded for the learning, but that there will be there'll be something that will help me understand this more.

And I think that that's it.

That's beautiful.

So I love hearing that I work here with a nonprofit that does animal rescue and the owner has been open like when she created the five O 1C3.

 

23:22

She said, you know, I've had an addiction passed.

And this is how I've coped with it is by getting into animal rescue.

And we joke sometimes we're like, you may not do what you used to, but now you have 90 million cats in your life.

But that's your new thing.

Did you at any point like find yourself still fixating on anything and having to kind of maybe check a little bit, be like, Oh, well, that might not be a substance, but it is something that is psychologically maybe starting to show like that?

 

23:52

Shoes, perfume and chaos.

That's a very hard, like very blunt answer.

I am absolutely addicted to shoes.

I am absolutely addicted to perfume.

And I'm actually working through this with my therapist right now.

 

24:07

Like I I thrive in chaos, but also to a fault.

Like there's sometimes where I'm like, OK, I want calm and I don't know how to make that happen.

You hear a lot of people that like they do really well when they're thrown into the fire or they're tossed in the deep end and that's when they swim their best, you know, and and I think a lot of times we champion that, but it can be really self detrimental in a lot of ways.

 

24:32

If that's all you ever do, you don't learn to rest.

So but I but I got to ask, what are some of the favorite shoes then?

Because like, if we think about damaging things, right.

As long as we still have enough money to pay the bills, get yourself a pair of shoes.

So yeah.

Exactly like in pardon me, just being blunt, but I in my head I'm like, well, I'm not smoking cracks, so it'll be fine.

 

24:54

Like it's everything's fine.

I love Jordans, I love Jordan ones.

And so it's it's and it's not just me.

It's like a family thing.

Like we have those like things that come off the wall at Foot Locker.

So like their shoes on the wall in our bedroom and like I have them in my closet and me and my kids by matching Jordans.

 

25:12

And I mean, like everybody in the house is like in on it.

So it's kind of like a family thing.

Like it's it's Jordan ones, though.

I mean, it's all shoes.

Don't get me wrong.

I am not going to pass up a good pair of shoes, even if it's not a Jordan, but.

 

25:28

But it's a healthy thing to bond over.

So, you know, I, I think we may poke fun at it sometimes with you replaced one addiction with another.

But let's be honest, there are addictions like shoes, like perfume, like that kind of stuff that still allow you to create a community and create these relationships.

 

25:47

They're just linchpinned with something a little bit different and honestly more healthy then you know, Yeah.

Definitely.

And I guess it's more of a question as you've been on this journey and probably the longer you go.

So how many, how many years clean are we now?

 

26:02

Are you now 9 / 9 coming on?

9 1/2 it'll be it will be 10 in May.

Awesome.

Well, counting down for that, but as you go there, are you still interacting or seeing people that are in their addiction struggle?

 

26:18

And how do you engage with those people?

Is it maybe not as common to run into more that you are experiencing people while they're on their healing journey?

A lot of the people that were around during the time when I was using, to put it bluntly, are either clean or dead.

 

26:37

It is wild being my age and having so many friends that have died already.

Like it's crazy.

There are a lot that did not make it and it really if I run into somebody that I is actively using the way that I kind of, I guess communicate with them depends.

 

26:56

If I know somebody does not want help at all, I'm going to wish them the best.

And you know, there, there are still some people that from, from the times when I was using that are still using and they don't want to stop.

And I have love for those people.

But like my family did with me, I'm, I'm loving them from over here.

 

27:14

I have to protect myself.

There are multiple people who have reached out and said, Hey, I don't want to live like this anymore.

I want help.

And I'm like, all right, cool.